The Sound of Now: DJ Tuco

DJ Tuco - No Man Remix
DJ Tuco - Bitch Fight in the Snatch Palace
DJ Tuco - Return To The Snatch Palace
DJ Tuco myspaz
Meanbucket

Kevin Keegan - Runcorn Untouchable

Spotted this list of undesirables in the foyer of one of Runcorn's many public houses. I was once told Runcorn had more pubs per capita than anywhere else in the country; I don't know how true this is/was but one might suggest that this would explain quite a lot about my Runcorn brethen.

Anyway on scanning the poster to see how many people I recognised (easily half a dozen - Runcorn just ain't that big) my eyes fell upon the name of one Kevin Keegan! The mind boggles at what unspeakable act the Liverpool and Newcastle United legend could have committed to be banned from all of Runcorn's hostelries. But imagine if it involved some of his ex players too! I can just picture the scene: Pub doors fly open and in staggers KK, eyes rolling, his silver hair matted and unkempt with his Newcastle United overcoat slashed down the back exposing its white fluffy inner core, reminiscent of one of those sad teddy bears you see strapped to the front grille of council bin wagons. And who are those three behind him? 'Kin 'ell it's Ruel Fox and Phillipe Albert and The Divine Ponytail himself Darren Peacock, trusted lieutenants of his Newcastle side and now cadres in Mighty Mouse's debauched band of alky ex-pros!

Or maybe are Kev is just a normal bloke. No doubt Kev would be of Red extraction, and born in the mid seventies when his namesake was in his pomp. His folks probably thought naming him after their idol would stand him in good stead in later years. Maybe it did. Kev might wear a suit to work, drive a shit hot Beemer and rattle his hot secretary over his mahogany desk any day with a 'Y' in it. He could have just been in the pub one summer's afternoon, getting off early cos he can do shit like that being the boss and all. He could have just been sat on a picnic bench wearing the expression of a contented man, supping a cold pint then something might have just clicked in his head like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Kev might have gone buckwild.

Anyway I don't know the circumstances behind Kev's banning order but if was a betting man I bet having that name through his 30 odds years of life didn't fucking help him one bastard jot.